We love it when I come across an article or blog post that says exactly what we would say.  This great article on 5 Healthy Responses to Children’s Emotions from Positive-Parents.org does just that.  In a few short paragraphs, they offer some practical examples of how to be an emotion coaching parenting.  What’s emotion coaching?  Well it is a way of interacting with our children that helps to develop a healthy understanding of their feelings and how to use that information to make good decisions.  The five responses mentioned in the article are:

1. Recognize the emotion. 
2. Increase intimacy with emotion.
3. Listen for and validate emotion.
4. Label emotion.
5. Set limits with emotion {behavioral responses to emotions or emotional acting out}
   

These steps are a perfect guideline to how to be a more emotion-coaching parent and ultimately raise children with higher emotional intelligence.  Emotional intelligence leads our kids to have a healthy sense of self, deal better with adversity and disappointment, and have healthier, more fulfilling relationships in their lives.

While it is often easier to use these steps with a toddler or younger child, it is equally importnat {I dare say, MORE important} that we implement this style of interaction with our teens.  Empathy and patience are often overflowing when faced with a tiny two-year-old face bursting into angry tears but when faced with those same emotions from a 6-foot-tall, akward, yelling teenager parents struggle to respond kindly.  However, despite the change in size and attitude teens need the same kind of validation, empathy, and guidance in dealing with difficult emotions… especially when you may be the cause of those emotions.

Take a look at the full article here and tell us what you think?  Do you have an experience where you were able to use these steps or a memory of a time when you wished your parents had done this for you?  We’d love to hear some more examples of how to use this approach with teens.  Adolescence is hard- for parents and kids- but it gets easier with some smart emotional responsiveness.

I love this time of year largely because it is a time of renewal.  Most of us become a little more reflective and focus a little more on how we can improve ourselves- eating healthier, being more financially responsible, learning to be more patient or kinder in our relationships.  The trouble with all these resolutions and self-improvement goals is that they often are so big and broad that they quickly go from inspiring to overwhelming to a good idea for next year.  But as a therapist I firmly believe that we can achieve most of what we want if we focus on the baby steps {all my clients out there will recognize that mantra!}  And so when I came across the something fresh for your home challenge on Apartment Therapy I was thrilled!

Rather than some grand goal of organizing your kitchen pantry with labels or remodeling your bathroom, they suggest that each month you add something fresh to your home- some new, fresh, fun, little addition that “livens up the place and gives you that something special”.  In essence, whether it be flowers, a new oven mitt, or pretty little guest soaps, the goal of their challenge is to find a small way each month to make your home more enjoyable for you.  And isn’t that the real goal of every resolution?  To enjoy your home, your body, your job, your relationships, your LIFE just a little bit more?

I am challenging all of you to join me in adding something something fresh to your life each month.  Maybe it will be flowers for your bedroom or a new exercise class or even a couple of therapy sessions to deal with that nagging conflict at home.  Whatever you choose each month, make it small but make it count.  Find a way to introduce one new, fresh, thing that will help you to enjoy 2012 just a little bit more.  These baby steps toward change will seem small, insignificant even, at first but in the long run these are the things that transform our lives.

In the spirit of the challenge, once a month we will post about what our therapists have added into their lives and more importantly what Group Therapy Associates has added into our organization to make sure we keep giving you that little something special.

For January we are super excited to say that we have added a something big- a new therapist!  Eve Hornstein, MS is joining the GTA family this month and we couldn’t be happier to have her.  She is a recent graduate of Virginia Tech and brings a wealth of knowledge and clinical expertise- not to mention a thoughtful and caring spirit that we are sure will help us continue our goals of providing compassionate and creative mental health care services!  You can read more about Eve’s background on our About page and feel free to schedule an appointment with her any time.

Congratulations to our 2011 Grand Prize Winner

Laura!

You have won:

Dinner for two from Glory Days Grill

$160 in spa services from Tranquility Day Spa

2 couples e-books from Shelby Riley, LMFT

And for all of the couples who read, commented, shared, and learned with us this holiday season…. Thank you!  We have enjoyed having you join us and we hope that even though the challenge is over you will make time to visit our blog {and maybe even our offices} in 2012.  We have lots of new and exciting projects coming up this year including DC FitWeek, another Couples Retreat, and some interesting new Coaching services.  We look forward to sharing it all with you.

As a token of appreciation, if you email your mailing address we will send you a certificate for a free appetizer from our Date Night Dare sponsor, Glory Days Grill.  Send emails to therapy[at]grouptherapyassociates.org.

Get Inspired…

Here we are at our final date night dare of 2011.  Hopefully you have found the dates, advice, and ideas in this year’s Sexy Couples Challenge inspiring and motivating for your relationship.  As we prepare to say goodbye to another year, I am challenging all of you to keep the sexy spirit going.  This week’s date night dare is a little different than the rest- this is not something I expect you to do in one night or one weekend; rather it is a year long challenge to keep your relationship at the top of your priority list for all of 2012!

I know that the common wisdom at the beginning of a new year is to create resolutions- to plan how you will be better or do more in the year to come.  This is a great call to action but it often becomes overwhelming… always focusing on how to improve or how to be better is exhausting.  And more importantly it overshadows the ways in which things are already going right.  So as you get ready for New Year’s Eve I want you to come together as a couple and get inspired by all the ways you have built a relationship that is amazing.  Whether its talking about how our Sexy Couples Challenge helped you or how fun your weekly date nights are or even the tough conversations you had in order to overcome a problem this year- there are many ways in which you have grown together to create a relationship that is loving and fulfilling for both of you.

Before you set goals for the new year, plan together as a couple the things you want to keep doing or do more of {date night, holding hands, cooking together, making love more often} and then make an inspiration board to capture these things in a visual way.  It can be a collage of images and words or a digital compilation of photos or even songs to help remind you of how great your love really is.  I know that there are wonderful couples out there- parents, friends, even celebrities- who have relationships that you may admire and that’s great.  But for 2012 I am challenging you to make your relationship the model that you follow- create your own rules, remember the lessons you have already learned, and keep on being a sexy couple!

As a final thank you to everyone who has participated in the Sexy Couple Challenge we are giving away  a Grand Prize including:

Dinner for two from Glory Days Grill

$160 in spa services from Tranquility Day Spa

2 Couples books from Shelby Riley, LMFT

Winners will be chosen from everyone who has commented on any post during the Sexy Couples Challenge. 

For additional entries, share a post on Facebook and on Twitter ~ be sure to post a note on our Facebook page letting us know that you mentioned us to your FB friends or Twitter followers {include your username}

Winners will be chosen on January 3 at midnight and announced on Jan 4. 

Good Luck!

Happy Wednesday everyone!  Just a quick reminder that this is our last week of the Sexy Couples Holiday Challenge!  We have some really fabulous final prizes to give away over the next few days so be sure to check out the posts you may have missed over the last week or so.  Leave your comments- we will be announcing last week’s Date Night Dare winner and challenging you to final date for 2011.

Can’t wait to hear from you all as we prepare to ring in another year together!

So you have made it to the last week of the year… how do you feel?  Hopefully you and your partner have been taking our challenge and are feeling pretty good about yourselves and your relationship.  But we know that the holidays, even with our best efforts, can take a lot of us.  At the end of all that running around and shopping and family dinners, do you still have the energy to be passionate about each other?

Although this is a Sexy Couples Challenge, we really haven’t talked much about sex so far.  And for good reason- sexiness does not begin with the physical act, it is a state of mind and a way of connecting with your partner.  But it does imply that in the end there should be a very passionate phsyical relationship too.  But what happens when life is busy and you are tired… like right after the holidays?!?  Well today we are going to share some tips for women {fellas- you want to know this stuff!} to get back in a sexy mood and turn up the heat in the bedroom!

Readers of this blog have heard me talk a lot about the importance of mindfulness, being fully engaged in the present moment without thinking about what just happened or what will happen.  And your sex life is no place to skip the mindfulness practice, in fact it may be one of the best places to start.  There are few interactions in life that can become so much more meaningful (and pleasurable) with a little attention to what’s happening now.

So with that in mind, here are six tricks that will have you wondering why you would ever want to do anything else.

Get Your Head In It. We’ve all seen the studies and the articles that say for women sexual arousal is a mental process and it is.  While sex is a multi-sensory experience, often it is our thoughts that really make the experience special.  And as mentioned above there are often many distracting thoughts to get in the way.  Make a habit of trying to clear your head before getting romantic.  Need a little help re-focusing?   Take a few minutes each day to look at pictures of your partner, reminisce about romantic dates, and even fantasize about some of the “steamier” times you have spent together.

Enjoy Your Body. One of the biggest challenges for many women is feeling self conscious about their naked bodies.  Obsessing about that bit of cellulite on your thighs or the pooch left over from your children only interferes with your ability to enjoy the tactile pleasures of sex.  Focus on the areas of your body that you find sexy and those that feel the best when touched.  By becoming hyper-focused on what is great it will become easier to ignore those areas you think could use a little work.  Still having trouble? Ask your partner to tell you what they like best about your body and why.  The fresh perspective on your “flaws” might be just thing to bring about a new sense of confidence and what could be sexier than that.

Ask For Help. Now this may be my most controversial tip but the truth is that for many wives/mothers one of the biggest challenges to a more passionate sex life is all the lingering housework and parenting chores that need to be done.  They create mental distractions, physical exhaustion, and a schedule that leaves few precious minutes for love making.  Ask your hubby/significant other to pitch around the house to help increase the action in the bedroom.  I am not suggesting some sort of housework swap for nookie… I am suggesting that you be honest about the things that hold you back from intimacy and let your partner help you clear the obstacles.

Pre-Heat The Oven. For most men, physical arousal and emotional arousal are nearly simultaneous.  For women the process is often a little bit slower.  A brief anatomy lesson will teach you that part of the issue is that female arousal begins near the cervix, far from where the real action takes place.  But there is an easy solution- just as you do in baking, just take a little extra time to pre-heat the oven so to be speak.   Whether you can simply think about the fun to come or you need a little more physical encouragement, don’t be afraid to take the time necessary to make sure that not only your mind, but your body is ready for the excitement to come.

Take It Outside. Ok maybe not literally outside (the neighbors may not approve) but at least think about venturing outside the bedroom.  I realize that this can be a challenge with children in the house but the change of venue can do wonders for shifting your mind from “wifely obligation” to “sexy adventure”.  Whether you just move from the bed to the floor or take a full tour of your home, remember that nothing holds your attention like doing something for the first time (or at least the first time on the new couch.)

Read the full article at I Am Modern magazine

From the Group Therapy Associates family to yours…

Merry Christmas

As we prepare to spend the holidays with our family and friends, we are taking a little break today… don’t worry we still have something for you! 

Here is Esther’s latest article on winter romance from I Am Modern Magazine.  Enjoy.

For me, the most romantic time of year is the stretch of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It may be that I lucked out in the in-law lottery and actually enjoy spending time with my husband’s family, or that I can always count on my mother’s arrival and thus a built-in babysitter for weeks at a time, but, in my marriage, the holiday season is one of the best “couples times” we have all year long. As much fun as I may have, I know that for many of us moms, the holidays mean crazy schedules, complicated family politics, one too many obligatory gifts and celebrations to deal with, and not enough “we” time with the hubby. As mothers, we are even more overwhelmed than usual with the desire to make this season of giving and family love a special time to remember for our kids. The unfortunate part is that, in the process, we usually give up on making it a special time for the two of us.

I am a big proponent of setting an example of healthy relationships for our children, and the holiday season is the perfect time to rekindle the passion in your relationship while creating fun and meaningful memories for your children. In the midst of the cookie baking, gift wrapping, turkey cooking, and house decorating, I always make a point to take my husband out or snuggle in front of the fireplace. I want my children to remember more than my yummy Thanksgiving turkeys and the excitement of all the pretty packages under the Christmas tree. I want them to also remember their father and I being happy and playful with one another and leaving them at home some nights while we partied the night away or just went to catch a movie together. If this is a time for togetherness, isn’t it important to make sure our marriages are together, too? I think so, and with that in mind, here are a few things I have learned over the years to make sure the holiday season is a time for romance:

you can also read the full article at I Am Modern

Create a tradition

As we approach Christmas and the end of the year, this is a great time to reflect on traditions and the important role they play in keeping us connected.  For many of us who celebrate a religious holiday this time of year, it is easy to think about all of the childhood memories that come with the season.  One of the reasons that this time of year is often so emotionally charged is that those memories are tied closely to traditions- in one sip of egg nog, the first few chords of your favorite Christmas carol, or in the sight of first snowfall is all the emotions we have from long ago.  Tradition allows us to recall with full force the love and affection we have for people and events with just the slightest reminder.  In the midst of family bickering or holiday stress, these simple reminders can pull us back to the real meaning of this time of year.

And that is why creating traditions in your relationship is so important.  When things aren’t going well that one song or favorite activity or silly inside joke can bring back the warmth and connection that you long for.  Whether or not you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah, you can create traditions with each other this winter.  This week I want you to find some time to sit together and talk about the traditions that you grew up with.  Share the happy memories you have of this time of year as well the kinds of things you always wish you had done.  It can be as simple as making cookies or going to midnight church services or ice skating on Christmas eve.  As you share this fond traditions with each other, brainstorm new and fun things that you can do this and every year as a way to honor your love for each other.

then of course come and tell us about it!!

Don’t Forget! ~ We will be choosing 1 lucky person from the comments this week to win our weekly dinner for 2 from Glory Days Grill.

Because of the holidays we will be giving you a full week to participate in this challenge.  Winners will be announced next Wednesday.

Today’s post is from guest blogger, Beryl Ayn Young.  Beryl is a photographer and teacher specializing in unique photography workshops that teach us to use the power of the lens to transform how we see ourselves and our relationships.

My husband and I were married in 2006 and spent our honeymoon on our first ever cruise. While some couples use newly wed status as a chance to soak in some sun, lay by the pool, and lounge with fruity umbrella drinks, we used the opportunity as a chance to be active, interact, and try new things. We snorkeled, we went cave tubing (barely making it out alive! But, that’s a story for another day…), and we even took a couples cooking class.

Our memories revolve around laughter, connecting, creating, and learning both with and about each other.

When was the last time you and your partner set aside time to laugh, connect, create and learn together?

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, this time we had to enjoy each others company was invaluable. Too often we’re consumed with our jobs, the kids, housework, bills, errands that there doesn’t seem time to fit in time for each other. And now as we approach the holidays it will only get trickier as we add in shopping, traffic, long lines, office parties, baking holiday goodies, and traveling to see family and friends. But being a sexy couple means MAKING the time for EACH OTHER.

Today, I’m going to share the way we will be creatively scheduling time to share in the magic of the holiday season at our house this month and I hope you’ll join us in the fun!

For our hunt, We’re going to take a weekend while we out running errands, photographing anything and everything on the list we can find. A fun way to shake up our regular routine, while also finding a way to be festive and connect with each other during this busy time. Are you ready to join us for the fun? This hunt is totally open ended and ready for you to complete in YOUR own special way as a couple. Choose your own time frame (hours? days? weeks? the entire month?). See how many of the fun and festive items you can find.

Being a professional photographer, snapping photos is naturally a healing outlet for me. When life starts getting stressful I immediately gravitate towards my camera. It’s my meditation. It’s my yoga. It’s my relaxation. And when I can get my husband & family involved and interested in my passion too, that’s where the magic happens. That’s where we begin to connect and truly enjoy this time of year connecting and enjoying being together.

Wont you make some magic with us this month?

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Beryl Ayn Young is a professional photographer and teacher in the Northern VA/MD/DC metropolitan area. Come visit her blog where she shares photo tips and inspirations to nourish the mind, body, and soul.