Wow & Thanks!!

We are incredibly honored to be nominated as one of the Best Wellness Providers in the DC suburbs in  I Am Modern’s annual Best of Suburbs Survey.  We work hard to offer an approach to mental health and emotional wellness that meets the needs of our community it feels amazing to know that you are digging our work!

Now we are hoping you will consider voting for us as the winner for our category {Best Nutrition or Wellness Provider}.  Voting starts today and goes through the end of the month.  Simply visit www.iammodern.com and click on the link to cast your votes for all your favorite suburban businesses. {you can vote for all the categories, some, or just one- it’s up to you!}

Thanks again for the nomination and we look forward to continuing to strive to provide you with the best we have to offer!

~ don’t forget voting ends on June 1 so cast your ballot today! ~

I must confess that I love of lists!  I make lists of things to do, books to read, recipes to try, the list of lists that I make could go on and on.  And while it may be a little neurotic, the fact is having a list helps to keep important things in the forefront of my mind.  So as we head into a new week I want to share a list for all of you couples out there.

Let’s face it, taking care of our partner’s emotional needs can quickly become an after thought in the midst of day to day life.  This list is designed to help keep you and your partner connected while tending to the mundane obligations of daily life.  Here goes….

1. Review your schedules. Most of us have lives that are always on the go.  Throw in a couple of kids, family obligations, outings with friends, and chores and the weeks can fly right by.  Set a regular time either at the end of the week or the beginning to go over your weekly schedule.  Does someone have a doctor’s appointment or late night meeting?  Do you need to change your regular routine to accommodate a kid’s band concert or take the dog to the vet?  Although not romantic or fun, setting aside a regular time to catch up on each others activities not only avoids scheduling issues, it keeps you connected.  When you know what your partner is doing you have that much more to talk about and are better able to support them on busy days or with unpleasant activities.
2. Eat a meal together. Obviously you want to do this more than once a week but the truth is that sometimes it just doesn’t happen or when it does its a quick bite as the kids review their day.  Make time at least once a week to eat a meal alone together.  Meet your honey for lunch at their office or have them come to yours.  If all else fails, plan to eat a late dinner one night a week.  Even if you have to wait for the kids to go to bed before you can sit down together, it’ll be worth it.
3. Say something nice. Sounds simple enough but often the simple gestures of love are the first things to go.  While it is important to also DO something nice for each other, making a point o express your love and appreciation for your spouse is vital to your long term happiness together. The simple act of expressing love and thoughtfulness help keep your emotional bank accounts full.  That means the next time you forget to let the dog out or snap at your spouse they may be more apt to forgive you as they remember the nice things you said earlier in the week.
4. Make time to be sexy. (more…)

The time of year when teens get overwhelmed with SOLS and finals is approaching faster than ever, and many of them are just trying to pass.  For many kids, no matter how hard they study or listen in class test time means lots of stress and anxiety.  Suddenly they are overwhelmed and can’t remember what they’ve learned all year.

Well, test anxiety and school stress don’t have to mean poor grades.  Our upcoming Stress-Free Testing for Teens class might help them to calm down enough not just to pass but do better so that they can really enjoy their summer.  They’ll learn tools to take their stress levels from overwhelming to motivating.  Our class will teach practical skills that they can apply right now and continue to use whenever test time arises.

Click here to register now for Stress- Free Testing for Teens- space is limited!

Looking for more resources on managing school and text anxiety?  Check out these excellent articles

Helping a Worrier Become a Warrior

Why Can Some Kids Handle Pressure While Others Fall Apart?

From all of us here at GTA we send our deepest sympathy and much love to everyone in Boston today. In these difficult times it is important to remember that we always have the opportunity to change a life with a caring word or compassionate gesture.

We’ve shared this article in the past but feel it is worth sharing again. The article shares some tips from PBS Parents expert, Diane Levin, Ph.D on how to talk to kids about tragedy (these are great tips for talking to teens as well).

If you or someone you know is struggling with increased anxiety or a sense of overwhelm in the face of today’s explosions in Boston, please contact our office by phone (703-644-8041) or via email. We would be happy to meet with you in our Northern Virginia office or help you find appropriate help in your city.

You may also find last week’s post on tapping and stress useful…check it out here

I recently read a rather interesting article by a 14-year-old blogger over on CafeMoms, called 3 Things Parents Should Let Their Daughters Do Before They Turn 16.

As the mother of teenagers, I am not so sure that any 14 year old girl or boy should be getting “tatted up” {for those of you over a certain age I mean “getting tattoos”}.  However, I do believe that the young author makes a solid argument for allowing teenagers the opportunity to make some life choices before they get to 16 or 18.

By allowing teens to make their own choices about dating, make-up, extracurricular activities, and other things that matter to them, parents encourage critical thinking and independence- two traits that are key to transitioning into a productive and healthy adult life.  Making “bad” choices {like dating a not-so-nice guy or trying to wear too much eyeliner or watching a questionable movie} while still under the care of loving parents gives teens a chance to make errors while still having a safety net to help them change course and find the right path.

Check out the article below and let us know what you think?  Are these good ideas?  What would you add to the list?

Teenagers are running wild, from what I hear. But kids wouldn’t have to sneak around behind their parents’ backs and do things that got them in trouble if they just had a little more freedom to do the things they really want to do.

I’m 14 years old and that age means absolutely nothing. I have to wait until I’m 16 to do everything. I thought once I got into the ninth grade, I wouldn’t feel like a kid anymore. Wrong. Wroooooong. I have two more years before I can do just about anything I want to do, but I personally feel like kids should be able to do whatever they please (within reason) as long as their parents educate them about the dangers of the outside world and how to behave. Restricting kids makes them want to rebel and act crazy. I haven’t tried it. I’ve just heard things.  read the full article here…

Today I had what I like to call a “therapist-heal-thyself” moment. I lost my credit card somewhere between my ice cream cone purchase last night and my quick trip to Target this morning. Losing things- especially important things- is something that drives me crazy and instantly kicks in my negative self talk soundtrack.

“What are you doing, this is so irresponsible? How could you possibly lose your credit card AGAIN?!? Seriously… who does that twice in one year?!? And did you really need that ice cream anyway?”

 

Its not a nice soundtrack but, it’s something that I bet most of you can relate to. Often when we make an error or do something we regret the voice that pops into our minds is not one of compassion or forgiveness. But thankfully in between beating myself up and frantic phone calls to the ice cream shop, the compassionate and caring voice that comes out of me so easily when I talk to clients piped up. {yes… I really do talk to myself like this }

“Whoa- let’s ease up on the negativity. Every person alive is making mistakes, that’s part of our humanity. And besides you’ve been stressed and stress usually leads you to forgetfulness, doesn’t it? Losing a credit card, although frustrating, is a solvable problem. The real question is what are we going to do about the emotional overload that is happening right now? Maybe it’s time to use our stress management skills.”

 

And so I took a deep breath and wondered if I really was ready to let go of my stress-induced total freak out moment. You see, for most of us there is a familiar comfort that comes with our high stress, negative self-talk response. Too often, we live with an internal belief that says if we let go of this overwhelming crisis response then I’ll become complacent and won’t become a better person.

And even though as a therapist I know better, I also find myself occasionally buying into the false idea that if I cut myself a break, forgive my very human error, and calm down that I won’t “learn my lesson” or “do better next time”. But the real lesson here is that when we learn to turn down our fight or flight crisis response that we can effectively deal with whatever challenges life throws our way.

So want to know my secret to slowing down and stopping the freak out?

It’s called Tapping. And I don’t mean tap dancing (although that might be a fun stress-reliever if you have a little rhythm}. (more…)

The Normal Bar

Have you ever wondered if your relationship is normal? Are you as happy or unhappy in your relationship as everyone else? What is the normal amount of arguing couples do a month, a week, a day? What is the main stressor in relationships? How often do couples have sex? How many of us are in a fulfilling, loving relationship? Well…The Normal Bar, written by Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwatrz, PhD, and James Witte, PhD, gives us a peek into the lives of nearly 100,000 respondents who reveal what “normal” behavior among happy and not so happy couples looks like.

The book is loaded with unexpected details, which may surprise you. For example, the survey found men want romance more than women and the number one thing men wanted from their partner was…communication. Who knew?

According to 28% of the guys polled, “their partners just don’t talk or listen to them attentively enough.” How often do couples kiss passionately or not kiss passionately? Among men and women who are unhappy in their relationships, over half reported rarely or never kiss passionately, compared to only 26% of those who are happy in their relationship. The majority (58%) of people who are happy share a passionate kiss several times a week.

You will find many, many more interesting statistics within this book. But, the question still remains… how do we obtain a healthy and happy relationship? Since the number one thing couples say they want in their relationship is better communication let’s start there.

The authors provide helpful communication techniques and tools to help strengthen relationships, which you can try at home. Here are the High Five! rules discussed in the book:

Step 1- Both partners think of five passions, activities, or interests that they need in their life to be happy (they should not include their partner or children.) Share the lists with your partner and talk about them. This exercise is to understand and respect what your partner needs to be happy.

Step 2-Next prioritize the top five things their partner could do to make them happy.

Step 3- One person describes his or her number one request while the other partner listens.

Step 4- Without responding to the request, the other partner describes their number one request.

Step 5- Without criticizing each other’s requests, both partners negotiate a deal through trading or compromise that will allow them to honor and meet each other’s request.

Tell us what you think. Have you read The Normal Bar yet? What do you think of their findings… do you think your relationship is “normal”? We would love to hear your thoughts on the book and the idea that there is a “normal” relationship standard.

Want to hear from the author herself? Check out this video from Rock Center with Brian Williams

I will confess up front that this post is a little bit self-serving today.  Knowing my husband like I do {and the fact that he asked me what I want again last night} I am sure that he, like many guys and gals out there, has no idea what he will give me tomorrow for Valentine’s Day.  Now I am firm believer that there is no need to wait for a “greeting card” holiday to profess your love or give your sweetie an unexpected gift but that doesn’t mean that you should ignore the fact that tomorrow is a day we Americans have set aside for just that kind of thing.  I know many will say “I shouldn’t have to give a gift because the card, chocolate, and flower companies say so” and you are right but…. you should do something special for the people you love no matter what day it is.  Sometimes  making each other happy is more important than taking some philosophical stance against silly holidays.

So to help all you last minute shoppers out there here are 5 tips to help you figure out exactly how to make your Valentine swoon…

1. Make a Grand Gesture

Everyone enjoys feeling like the center of attention sometimes.  By definition a grand gesture is uncharacteristically spectacular, risky, or involves some kind of sacrifice (think time, money, personal preference) in an effort to demonstrate your love.  That means that no matter your budget you are capable of creating a grand gesture for your loved one.  Are you shy but she loves public attention?  Show up at her office with flowers or a special picnic lunch hand delivered by you.  Think about what he/she likes that you don’t and make an effort to give it to them anyway.  Do you crave a night on the town but your partner would happily stay home?  Skip the reservations at the hottest new restaurant and cook a quiet dinner at home instead.  Are you always frugal?  Splurge on an expensive gift {just keep it within your budget- Valentine’s Day debt is not a grand gesture!}

2. Be Thoughtful About the Message You Send.

The key to gift giving is thoughtfulness.  Whether you give a tangible gift or some kind of service or activity (dinner, a concert, a massage) make sure that your gift sends the message you intend.  It is truly amazing how careful listening and attention to detail can help you find the perfect last-minute gift.  A vacuum for your wife when she’s been recently complaining about your lack of housework is not likely to send the message of love… but if she’s been suffering from allergies and wishing for a special hypoallergenic model- all of a sudden the same gift might be viewed as a message of deep care and concern for her health.  The magic is in the message.  Even the smallest token or handmade gift can become amazing if you are able to convey the right message.

3. Remember Her Love Language.

Speaking of messages… it’s key to be sure that whatever message you send is spoken in her primary Love Language(s).  As Dr. Gary Chapman explains in his classic book, learning your partner’s Love Language can make all the difference in keeping you connected and fulfilled.  If his Love Language is touch then a massage from you might be all that he really wants while someone else whose language is Gifts or Words of Affirmation may be disappointed with a gift like that.  Want to really turn it up… create a grand gesture incorporating their top 2 or 3 Love Languages.  Don’t know their Love Language?  Visit Dr. Chapman’s site to figure it out now.

4. Support His Interests.

In most couples, each partner has a variety of individual interests that are not shared by the one they love.  For example, I have many interests that my husband is not all that interested in, like interior design, pretty paper & stationery, typography, cooking, party planning, good espresso, quality chocolate… well you get the idea.  The point is that having separate interests is great but occasionally it is nice to share those with each other.  One way you can show your partner love is by encouraging and supporting their passions.  Do they love art?  Plan a special date to a museum or gallery {a nice low cost option if you live in the DC metro area!}  Are you in love with a sports fanatic?  Take the to a game or buy some new equipment if they like to play more than watch.  Even something as simple as a Starbucks card can be seen as incredibly thoughtful if you hate coffee but you know that they are addicted to er… enjoy it.

5.  Ask an Expert.

When all else fails… ask an expert!  While you may consider yourself to be an expert on your partner and their interests, the odds are that they have a friend or family member who knows them pretty well too.  A quick call or text to someone that spends lots of time with them or shares their taste and sense of style can probably solve your gift-giving woes.  Ask their best friend, a sibling, or even your children and see what ideas they can come up with.  There is no shame is getting help… there is only shame in not making the effort to show your love.

And if by chance your Valentine shares our taste in gifts here is a our latest Pinterest Board full of gifts that say “I Love You”

Happy New Year!

As we continue to enjoy a bit of rest and relaxation, we want to take a moment to encourage all of our readers and clients to enjoy the opportunity of a new year.  Today is a chance to embrace all the wonder and mystery of what is yet to come.  No matter the challenges or joys of the previous year, 2013 promises to be full of new surprises and wonder.  Unwrap each day as a gift {that is why we call it the ‘present‘ after all}

See you next week in our NEW offices!  {keep an eye on your email and postal mail boxes for more details on the new location!}

Welcome to Week 5 of the Sexy Couples Holiday Challenge!

This is our final week and so this date night dare is more than just something to think about for one night but a dare we hope you will carry with you into the new year!  At the beginning of this year we wrote a post offering a new twist on the traditional New Year’s resolutions.  Rather than making big, radical changes in your life, we {inspried by Apartment Therapy} challenged everyone to just add something fresh- one small thing each month to help you enjoy your life just a little more.  And while we haven’t shard our “something fresh” in many months we are still inspired by this idea.

This week’s Date Night Dare:

Do something fresh.

Starting with this week’s Date Night Dare, we want you to do one thing- big or small- to add a little freshness to your relationship.  To keep with the theme this week we want you to add a little something new {or something you just haven’t done in a while} to your sex life.  Maybe it’s lingerie or a new location.  Or maybe it’s just talking about sex in a way you have never done before.  Whatever you do add some freshness and see how it enhances your relationship.

Then take that as inspiration into the new year… make 2013 a year of fresh, new, adventures in your love life. Join us in adding something fresh to your life and relationship each month.  Maybe it will be flowers for your bedroom or a new exercise class or even a couple of therapy sessions to deal with that nagging conflict at home.  Whatever you choose each month, make it small but make it count.  Find a way to introduce one new, fresh, thing that will help you to enjoy each other just a little more in 2013.  These baby steps toward change may seem small, insignificant even, at first but in the long run these are the things that transform relationships and keep things sexy!

Tell us about your “freshness” and on Monday, December 31 {just in time for New Years Eve} we will announce our final weekly winner!  Don’t forget to leave your comments below…