Welcome to Week 5 of the Sexy Couples Challenge!

Got your attention?  I thought I might.   Man or woman, most of us would like a little more passion and romance in our relationships.  Hopefully you’ve started working on that by doing this week’s challenge.  But if you didn’t win yourself some extra loving with yesterday’s Christmas gifts or you just want to increase the odds for more sex as much as possible.. here are 5 tips for men.

{Don’t worry ladies… I got you covered tomorrow with 5 tips for women!}

emotional connection is a sure bet to better sexual connection

For most men sex is the gateway to intimacy. The physical connection of making love is one of the ways in which men feel emotionally closer to their partner. Unfortunately for couples, women tend to work from the opposite direction.  Feeling close is often a prerequisite for getting close. The bottom line is that for most ladies, they need to feel loved in order to give up the goods and guys often want to use sex in order to show their love. This might sound like a recipe for sexual frustration and major relationship conflicts, and for some couples it is, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are 5 non-sexual things you can do today to increase your chances of “getting busy” tonight.

Touch her softly. No, I don’t mean there! This is a list of non-sexual tips, remember? Everyone loves to be touched gently and affectionately by their partner.  Learn to use touch as a way to initiate intimacy, not just sex. By using touch as an intimate connection rather than simply a means to get in her pants, you can help your partner get in the mood without feeling pressured to perform. Not sure where to start? Think of any body part that would seem inappropriate to touch on a stranger – caress her face, stroke her hair, kiss the back of her neck, or even simply hold her hand.  Gentle touches can help her switch gears from mother/career-woman/friend/cook/cleaner/etc into sex kitten or hot mama later on.

Give a genuine compliment. This one takes some effort on your part. It is not enough to say ‘you look nice’ or ‘great dinner’. This is an opportunity to tell the woman you love in specific terms just what you love and appreciate about her {remember that from week 1?}. Is she working hard on a new project? Compliment her successes or dedication. Maybe she really does look pretty; go ahead and tell her but be specific.  ‘nice dress’ and ‘I can’t stop looking at you in that dress tonight’ are very different compliments. Trust me; the impact is in the details.

Be helpful. Acts of service are a great way to let your partner know how important she is to you. Often our most precious commodity is time and so when you are generous with your time and energy you send a clear message about where she stands in your list of priorities. Just remember that what you think is helpful may not be all that important to her, so don’t be afraid to ask first.

Remind her of your courtship.  Hopefully you already brought some of this back over the last few weeks but you can’t really overdo it.  Remember those early days…romantic dinners, holding hands in the park, late-night phone calls. Help her to remember those days too. The truth is that the “lovers high” you experience in the early phases of courtship generally fade over time; a recent study showed that some couples are capable of sustaining that phase for decades. Part of their success is learning to see your spouse through rose-colored glasses and treating her accordingly {remember week 3?!}. Think back to the little gestures of love and romance that you used to do and try to do it again; at least once a week.  If you can find ways to remind her of what it was like to be young and in love, there is a good chance she’ll find some ways to remind you of what it felt like to be young and in lust.

Tell her why you want to have sex with her. In long-term relationships it’s easy to let every aspect of life simply become routine… even sex. Over time, what was once an exciting moment of passion can become just another need that has to be met like eating dinner or taking a shower. Make the time to tell your partner (and remind yourself) all the reasons that you love having sex with her. There are plenty of reasons that we all enjoy sex in general but there are specific reasons that sex with your partner is a special and necessary part of your life together. That’s part of what you are supposed to be doing with this week’s challenge- letting each other know that sex with each other is not just about satisfying a primal urge or releasing some pent-up energy but is an expression of your love and commitment.